Funeral Choices
A funeral usually involves having a ceremony to give family and friends the opportunity to say farewell and remember the life of the deceased, but sometimes it simply just involves carrying out the burial or cremation without any witnesses present. The deceased may have given instructions about their own funeral during their life by making pre-arrangements in a funeral plan or by expressing their wishes in a Will.
However, if no instructions were ever given, then the executors or the nearest relatives will have to discuss and agree what they want. The list below is by no means the limit of possible choices as new ideas and options are becoming available all the time, so if there is any other special requirement mention this to our director who will be happy to advise on the feasibility and whether further costs are involved.
Burial or Cremation
Burial
B urial on the other hand is dependent on whether a grave is available. If a new grave is required in a churchyard, then these are usually only allowed if the deceased resided in the parish or was an active church member. New graves in cemeteries run by local authorities usually incur additional charges if the deceased does not qualify as being a current resident. Another option is a new grave in a Woodland cemetery run by private companies. If an existing grave is required to be opened*, it is essential that there is sufficient depth for a further interment to take place and that permission from the current grave owner is obtained, if applicable.
Although burial might be a more expensive option when compared to cremation, it does provide a permanent place for those to visit and remember the loved one who has passed. For this reason, if a new grave is required, we recommend that a visit is made to the cemetery or churchyard before any firm arrangements are made in order to be sure that the proposed position of the grave is satisfactory, or to select the grave, if this is possible.Burial on the other hand is dependent on whether a grave is available.
Cremation
Generally, providing no close relative or executor objects to cremation, this can take place at any crematorium in this country.
Locally, we have the choice of either Bournemouth or New Forest Crematorium and it may be well worth visiting them beforehand to help assist in deciding which one is preferred. Poole Crematorium can also be added to this list but currently the actual cremation is carried out at an unattended service at Bournemouth.
However, if the service venue is elsewhere, it is sometimes more beneficial if no one attends the crematorium as this allows more flexibility with the date and time of the main service and avoids additional travelling for the mourners. After the cremation you will be required to make a further decision at some stage to determine whether the ashes are to be scattered, buried or kept by the family.
If a new grave is required in a churchyard, then these are usually only allowed if the deceased resided in the parish or was an active church member. New graves in cemeteries run by local authorities usually incur additional charges if the deceased does not qualify as being a current resident. Another option is a new grave in a Woodland cemetery run by private companies. If an existing grave is required to be opened*, it is essential that there is sufficient depth for a further interment to take place and that permission from the current grave owner is obtained, if applicable.
Although burial might be a more expensive option when compared to cremation, it does provide a permanent place for those to visit and remember the loved one who has passed. For this reason, if a new grave is required, we recommend that a visit is made to the cemetery or churchyard before any firm arrangements are made in order to be sure that the proposed position of the grave is satisfactory, or to select the grave, if this is possible.
Examples and answers for things to consider
For guidance, a funeral service is normally held about 10 to 14 working days after the death has been registered, but this is obviously dependent on how soon the cause of death is confirmed and the availability of the Church, Crematorium or Cemetery required.
We will endeavour to arrange the funeral to meet your requirements as much as possible, so providing the documentation and registration can be completed, we can organise a funeral within 3 days if the situation demands. Similarly, if the funeral date needs to be withheld until a close relative returns from abroad, we are happy to oblige with this request.
If a particular minister or other person is requested to officiate at the ceremony, then they will need to be consulted about the date and time too.
Finally, consideration should be given to the travelling times of relatives and friends who live away from this area. A service around lunchtime could assist those who have to travel some distance.
By this, we mean the choice of where you wish to follow the coffin from. Generally, the deceased is transferred from the place of death to our premises, where they remain in our care until the day of the funeral. If the coffin is taken into the deceased’s home or taken into a church overnight (which is sometimes the practice of the Roman Catholic Church or some ‘high’ Church of England churches) then obviously the funeral will commence from that place, otherwise a decision has to be made from the following choices:
From our Chapels of Rest
It may be wished to accompany the deceased for the complete journey from our Chapels of Rest to the service venue. This may be combined with a last viewing of the deceased providing we are notified beforehand of this because we normally close the coffin and prepare for the funeral about an hour prior to the time the hearse needs to leave our premises. Any viewing must be finished 15 minutes before we are due to leave.
It may be decided to use our limousines to convey the principle mourners to the service, in which case they should gather at our appropriate office approximately ten minutes before the leaving time which we will have advised in our ‘letter of confirmation’ or we can collect them from any local private address. If mourners are using their own transport, then they need to make their presence known to our funeral director in charge and check they are aware of the route we are taking.
From a private address
It may be requested that the deceased leaves from their own residence or other meaningful place for the last time. We will advise by letter the approximate time the hearse will arrive (with any limousines if ordered) at this private address. All mourners will need to be ready and if they are using their own transport they will need to know where they are going and the route. We can assist with maps or directions of the route, providing we are made aware of this at least the day before.
Meet at the Church, Crematorium or Cemetery
It may be preferred and easier if mourners are travelling from several different locations for everybody to meet at the service location and the hearse will go directly there. Plan for everybody to arrive there about 15 minutes before the commencement time, unless we are providing limousines, in which case they will meet the hearse at the venue.
Providing sufficient notice is given before the funeral service we can arrange for the printing of service sheets on 250 g/m2 card, or if so wished, these can done by a member of the family which we are more than happy to assist with. This involves agreeing the desired format with those responsible for the arrangements and liaising with the minister or celebrant concerned to establish the content and reproducing the words of any hymns selected. Usually a colour photo of the deceased is selected for the front cover, although this is not essential, a simple cross or other appropriate symbol can be used instead. If desired, a further photograph can be included on the back cover.
Generally, we find our clients prefer to choose their floral tributes from a florist they know and have used before, but if requested we can either recommend an excellent local florist or order the flowers on their behalf.
If using your own florist, it is best that they deliver any tributes to the relevant funeral home at least two hours before the funeral service time, in order that the main tributes can be securely placed on the coffin and any others displayed around it in the hearse. Please ensure that all the tributes are clearly identified as to whose funeral they are for.
There are many styles of tributes that are appropriate for a funeral and a selection of these can be seen by clicking on the “flowers” link, but may we suggest that it is nicer to see one tribute from all the immediate family on the coffin, rather than having various types and sizes of tributes on the lid.
If the service is in a church, then it is normal and the correct procedure to ask the minister or priest in charge to officiate at the service.
At a crematorium or cemetery, however, there are no restrictions on who is able to conduct the funeral service. If there is a particular minister or person that is required, then we will contact them and arrange for them to take the service, but you must be prepared to have the service whenever that person is available.
If there is no preferred minister or priest to officiate at the funeral service, then on listening to your thoughts and expectations, we can arrange for a suitable religious minister on your behalf.
For those who are non-religious, we can arrange for a poignant ceremony conducted by a civil celebrant or someone from the British Humanist Society.
Sometimes no formal ceremony is requested. If this is the case, may we suggest that some appropriate music is played whilst mourners sit for reflection, or alternatively have several different pieces of music played inter-dispersed with tributes or anecdotes read by family or friends.
The correct choice of hymns and music is an integral element of most funeral services these days, but for situations where no musical preference is stated then we are happy to recommend suitable light classical music for moments such as when the mourners enter or leave the chapel.
An organist can be arranged to play at most service locations, or alternatively CDs or tapes may be used, but it is advisable that these are tested on the equipment available beforehand.
Bournemouth, Poole, and New Forest Crematoria use a computerised music library, and we are required to notify them of any music and hymn requests at least 48 hours in advance. Please only choose tracks that have been officially recorded.
Poems or readings can also be appropriate and provide comfort to those who are grieving. For an idea of hymns that are commonly sung at funerals, we list a selection below:
- The Lord’s my shepherd
- Abide with me
- All things bright and beautiful
- Amazing Grace
- Morning has broken
- The day thou gravest, Lord has ended
- Jerusalem
- O Lord my God (How great thou art)
- Praise my soul, the king of heaven
- Love divine, all loves excelling
- Dear Lord and father of mankind
- Guide me, O thou great redeemer
- Eternal Father strong to save
- The King of love, my shepherd is
- Make me a channel of your peace
- Lord of all hopefulness, Lord of all joy
- Lead us heavenly Father lead us
- In heavenly love abiding
- Immortal, invisible, God only wise
- The old rugged cross
- Thine be the glory
- Great is thy faithfulness, O God my Father
- O Jesus, I have promised
- O God, our help in ages past
- There is a green hill far away
We normally dress the deceased in a gown which complements the interior of the coffin selected, however should it be wished that they are dressed in their own clothes we are happy to do this subject to there being no health and safety concerns and that there are no environmental issues with the items supplied if the funeral is to be a cremation.
Included in our ‘traditional service’ and available for an additional cost with the ‘simple service’ is the option to visit and view the deceased in our private chapels of rest at either our Bournemouth or Bransgore offices.
This is, of course, subject to the wishes of the deceased and the views of the nearest relatives, who may instruct that the coffin is closed, and no viewing is permitted.
There are a few occasions when viewing the deceased may not be advisable, and we would recommend a closed coffin. If this situation arises, then those persons wishing to pay their final respects can sit with the closed coffin in the chapel.
Care of the deceased
Part of our preparation before the deceased can be viewed is the carrying out of Hygienic Treatment. This is preformed by a qualified embalmer with care and dignity and helps delay the natural changes which occur after death. It also achieves a peaceful and often consoling remembrance for those who wish to view the deceased.
Taking the coffin home
Occasionally we are asked if it is possible for the deceased to be laid to rest in their own private residence. This can be arranged providing that there is adequate access to the intended room, which should be located on the ground floor. Our funeral director will visit the residence to advise on the practicality if the situation demands. This is only available with our ‘traditional service’ but there is no additional charge providing that the coffin is taken home during normal working hours.
Sometimes it is considered appropriate to include live music at some stage of a funeral, and we are happy to organise this subject to availability. This could be the hire of a piper or a New Orleans style jazz band to lead the cortège from the deceased’s home or as it approaches the service venue. Alternatively, it could be a musician, soloist or choir selected to play or sing a musical tribute as part of the funeral ceremony itself. If the service or ceremony is at a crematorium, it may be advisable to book additional time for use of the chapel in order to allow musicians ample time to prepare before the service commences. It might also be necessary to arrange for an organist to accompany any choir or soloist, and some rehearsal beforehand will be required.
For some military funerals, and particularly those of a former Royal Marine, it is usual for a bugler to play the ‘Last Post’ and ‘Reveille’. The Royal Marines Association usually arrange this for their own members, but a bugler will need to be hired if required at other ex-service personnel’s funerals.
Our traditional vehicle to transport the coffin to the service location is a black Rover 75 hearse, but if something specific or unusual is required, then there are several different options which can be arranged for an additional charge.
Sometimes, a particular make of hearse is wanted, such as a Rolls-Royce, Daimler or Land Rover. Alternatively, the colour of the hearse may be the important factor so it may be possible to have a silver, white or even a bubble-gum pink hearse for the deceased’s final journey.
Vintage motor hearses
There are a few vintage motor hearses available for hire similar to the 1933 Austin hearse as shown or for someone like a former HGV driver the funeral can be made more noticable by hiring a 1950 Leyland Beaver Lorry.
Motorcycle hearse
Available for hire for a “bikers” funeral locally is the Harley-Davidson trike hearse, which pulls a trailer containing the coffin. Alternatively, hearses comprising of a motorcycle with an enclosed side-car for the coffin can be arranged.
Horse-drawn hearses
A sight that people always stop to admire are horse-drawn hearse funerals. Real restored Victorian or reproduction hearses are available in black, white or silver with a matching pair or team (four) of horses from our reliable and experienced carriage masters.
Instead of flowers, it may be thought that donations to a charity in memory of the deceased are more appropriate. Cheques should be made out to the chosen charity together with a note to inform us whom they are in memory of. Alternatively, they can be handed to our staff at the funeral or delivered by hand to either of our offices.
Six weeks after the funeral the money received is totalled and usually sent directly to the charity or charities concerned and notification of the amount and a list of the contributors given to the next of kin together with any correspondence we have received.
A receipt is given automatically to all donors for amounts of £25 and over, but should anybody require an acknowledgement for a lesser sum we are happy to provide this by post or preferably by e-mail.
If the charity is a registered UK organisation we can also design a tribute page for donations to be made online direct to the charity and UK tax payers are able to gift aid their contribution.
Our traditional service is based on us using a standard oak veneered coffin which we call “The Romsey” that is both presentable and adequate for most funerals and which can be seen by clicking on the left-hand window of the veneered coffins.
However, should something more different be required, then these are usually obtainable within 3-4 working days. We have categorised the various types of coffins or caskets below to show the designs and materials available.
- Veneered coffins and caskets
- Solid wood coffins and caskets
- Hand-woven coffins
- Cardboard and decorative coffins
Manufactured from MDF (medium dense fibreboard) which is both strong and economic, but faced with a real wood veneer of oak or mahogany and real wood mouldings to match. Some are stained to achieve a more uniformed look, and they can be embossed or routered to provide more decoration.
Made from real European oak or mahogany, we can provide some of the finest quality solid wood coffins and caskets available. With plain or routered sides and raised lids, they are fitted with metal handles and fittings and upholstered with a luxury interior.
Available in either a traditional coffin shape or an oval casket design, these are made by skilled weavers in natural materials and lined with calico cotton liners. Some can be personalised with coloured bands or handles and with willow there is a choice of a light or dark finish, Apart from willow, other materials that are used are bamboo, pandanus, water hyacinth, banana leaf and wool.
Probably the best looking cardboard coffin is available from Colourful Coffins, and it can be supplied plain or with a decorative finish. They also apply their decorative designs to traditional shaped coffins or caskets manufactured from either MDF, pine or oak.
More design are available to look at on the colourful coffin’s website, https://www.colourfulcoffins.com/
Following a cremation, you will need to consider what you would like to happen to the ashes. They can be left for a short time at the Crematorium, but if you feel that you don’t want to be pressurised into making a decision so soon after the funeral, we are happy to hold onto them ourselves for up to a year or longer if necessary.
After the cremation, the Crematorium will contact you with the options they provide. If you select one of these options, you can either make all arrangements through us or make your arrangements direct with the Crematorium.
Scatter
When we receive the ashes from the crematorium they are usually in a plastic container with a screwed lid, which although not attractive is ideal for scattering the ashes privately in a place of special significance to the deceased. Alternatively, a decorated cardboard tube can purchased for this purpose (example on the right)
Bury
There may be an existing family grave in which it may be possible to inter the ashes. We are happy to investigate using such a grave and advise you of any further costs, but bear in mind that permission must be obtained from the grave owner and also this is only feasible if there are to be no further full interments in that grave.
New grave plots suitable for a pair of ashes caskets may be available in some cemeteries and churchyards or private woodland burial grounds.
Ashes are normally buried in a casket or urn, or if preferred in some churchyards simply poured into a small grave loose. A selection of caskets and urns can be found by clicking the right-hand link.
Retain
Some people are quite happy to keep the ashes at home and may wish to purchase a decorative urn or casket. A few of the companies which supply these urns or caskets together with keepsake jewellery can be found on the adjacent links. We do not charge for transferring the ashes into an urn or casket, but should you wish us to order the urn on your behalf, there will be a handling charge for this.
Other options
Ashes can be sent to destinations elsewhere in the United Kingdom or abroad, and we can assist with this if required. Some countries have strict regulations about receiving ashes, and these will have to be complied with before they are dispatched.
To help announce that a person has died and inform family and friends when the funeral service is to take place, a notice can be inserted in a local or national newspaper by ourselves. We shall be pleased to help compile a notice if assistance is required.
Our ‘traditional’ service allows for the provision of one limousine which can comfortably seat up to six or seven persons, and it is available to take the principle mourners from any location within 25 miles of Bournemouth to the funeral service and then return them afterwards to the starting location or another place, if required. Additional limousines can also be ordered, providing that sufficient notice is given. Our director will advise you of the additional cost and the maximum number of mourners that can be transported.There are a few occasions when viewing the deceased may not be advisable, and we would recommend a closed coffin. If this situation arises, then those persons wishing to pay their final respects can sit with the closed coffin in the chapel.
Care of the deceased
Part of our preparation before the deceased can be viewed is the carrying out of Hygienic Treatment. This is preformed by a qualified embalmer with care and dignity and helps delay the natural changes which occur after death. It also achieves a peaceful and often consoling remembrance for those who wish to view the deceased.
Taking the coffin home
Occasionally we are asked if it is possible for the deceased to be laid to rest in their own private residence. This can be arranged providing that there is adequate access to the intended room, which should be located on the ground floor. Our funeral director will visit the residence to advise on the practicality if the situation demands. This is only available with our ‘traditional service’ but there is no additional charge providing that the coffin is taken home during normal working hours.